My Heart: Insecurity

Peonies

I feel like it’s been a while since we’ve had a really good check in, hasn’t it? I don’t even really know where to start! It’s always hard for me to broach deeper topics on this blog. That’s for many reasons… being vulnerable is tough, thinking about who is reading it, and does getting real REAL make me sound… weak?

For the past few years I’ve been running my company Sparkle Media and it’s evolved in a big way over these three years. Trends have changed, and we offer non-traditional PR with an emphasis on creating compelling content and forming a brand’s lifestyle. I love what I do, but that’s not to say that doubt doesn’t happen, and this sometimes causes feelings of insecurity.

I’ve decided that it’s time to get a little more unfiltered. This is going to be a new series on the blog called My Heart.

Over the last bit, I’ve gotten so worried about being judged, what others will think, and how I’m portraying myself. When I feel like that, I know it’s time for me to just open the flood gates with you. I do believe that we all have a guard up when it comes to exposing our soft spots… I’m always seeking out people I can be real with, and when I can, they have my heart.

Today, I want to talk a little bit about insecurity.

Man, just putting that out there is super challenging, yet it’s something that we all deal with, and it definitely connects us all. Insecurity can make you act in a way that isn’t always yourself. Jealousy, anger, being overly judgmental, snide comments, etc. are not a good look, and they will bring you down, making you not only feel worse, but also guilty. Here are just a few of my thoughts on the feelings of insecurity, as well as pushing past them with intent.

And hey, I don’t have all the answers, but I feel that it’s an important dialogue for women to have. So let’s talk about it, shall we?

Living room

COMPARISON

I do believe some insecurity comes from the way we compare ourselves to others. Thanks to social media, this happens all the time, and not just on a personal level, but on a professional one as well. Living in a world where we are inundated with knowing exactly what everyone is succeeding with 24/7 is enough to bring out that big monster of insecurity.

Insecurity about skill, how we are doing in relation to others, ability, and outcome of work can all be issues I struggle with, and I know I’m not alone in this. If I’m feeling particularly challenged, I’ll always seek out a pep talk from my hubs or a close friend – they can often put my thoughts into perspective (and hey, having a wingman/hype girl is always helpful!)

FIGHTING ANXIETY

Insecurity can create a source of anxiety without even knowing it. Seeing the speed at which the world moves (again, thanks to social media!), can trigger insecurity, and lack of focus. Running around not accomplishing anything because your eyes aren’t on your prize means that we aren’t being productive, and therefore creating a feeling of anxiety. The busier I’ve gotten, I’ve realized that scaling back and finding the balance on focusing on what’s making me an income, versus opportunities that will help build my personal/business brand (notice the slash there because they are very much the same in my world), and then those that build my professional portfolio, and hobbies, is important. Things get out of whack when I’m focusing on any one thing too much, and I always check myself to check the source of my feelings causing these actions. If it’s insecurity, I recalibrate.

HEARING NO

Daily, I deal with the word NO. Clients that aren’t keen on an idea, pitches that fall on deaf ears, things that just don’t work out the way I want them to. If I let any of that define me or effect my confidence, I’d be a mess. I’d never get out of bed. I’ve learned over the years to remove my ego from it, and to compartmentalize. What does that mean? It means to remember that your idea isn’t always amazing just because it’s your OWN. It’s not always all about you. I learn to grow and adapt from every time an idea doesn’t land the way I want it to. And then, I leave it at that, and don’t let insecurity creep in since that would effect my ability to share my ideas next time.

ALWAYS PUSH (BUT ADJUST THE SAILS)

Being resilient is always the most important factor to success. Continue to push yourself, trust the process, the timing of your success, and keep working hard on what you are good at. Remember, hearing a NO just means you’re one step closer to a YES. Keep in mind… no one can make you feel inferior without your consent (thanks, Eleanor!); you have the choice on how you deal with feelings when they come up, and bouncing back is always the best option. And hey, when something isn’t working, maybe it is you, and it’s time to go back to the drawing board for a tweak. Just don’t judge yourself about it, ok?

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  • Great post Erin! I can definitely relate… social media makes it so much quicker and easier to compare yourself to others.

    • Thanks, lady! XO

  • Naomi

    Great read , I too feel this it’s so challenging trying to juggle everything and as a worrier ( thanks Mom) I’m always concerned I’ve upset someone and it’s sometimes difficult to let that go … I’m learning it’s definitely taking time as I can be a pleaser 🙂 Also as an independent woman I find it hard sometimes to be vulnerable as you mentioned I do t want it to come off as weakness. It’s hard finding that balance, lots of self reflection needed & I appreciate you sharing your struggles too ?

    Thanks xo
    Naomi

  • Emilie Clarke

    Awwwwww loved this Erin! You hit so many nails on the head!
    Compassion, always push but adjust the sails! ❤❤❤

  • Erin, this was such a wonderful and inspiring read! I think insecurity is something we all struggle with sometimes (even more so, now that the social media are here to show us the polished and perfected side of people’s lives), and it’s always helpful to acknowledge our feelings and try to understand where that insecurity comes from. One thing I always find helpful when this happen to me, is shut down all my electronics, take a bubble bath and let my thoughts wander. Then I sit down with my journal, I pour my heart out on paper – no limitations. It always helps me put things in perspective! Thanks so much for being so honest!